So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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