He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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