so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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