Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
