you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
