Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
