the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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