How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
