I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
