i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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