I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
