We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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