I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
