I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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