Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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