just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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