I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
