you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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