Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
