i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
