I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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