so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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