i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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