So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
