did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
