Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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