I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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