we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize