1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
