It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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