I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
