Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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