She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
