I heard we made out
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
