It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
