so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
