i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
