a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
