in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
