3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
