well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
