you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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