Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize