dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
