So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I won the penis lottery.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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