I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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