strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
