Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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