two words...techno handjob
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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