before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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