I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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