I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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