My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize