it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
