woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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