I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
