But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
