I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
