So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my poor anus
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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