The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
