thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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