Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
