I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
