i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
