3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
