You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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