You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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