alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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